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Totally Unicorn’s Top Tips For The Holidays

Totally Unicorn
Photo by Adam Davis-Powell.

After making a right mess of BLUNT TV’s HQ at Def Wolf Studios in Alexandria, Totally Unicorn were kind enough to make amends by giving us some top advice for getting the most out of the holidays this year. All tips by Drew “The Real Santa” Gardner.

Totally Unicorn’s Top Tips For The Holidays

  1. Buy some Crownies for ya dad so he doesn’t drink the good beers. All dads think Crownies are “fancy”.
  2. You’re gonna hear a lot of that fucking Mariah Carey song “All I Want For Christmas Is You” – replace the “you” with “poo” – it’ll make you enjoy it more.
  3. Use tin foil to wrap your presents. It’s easier than pissing round with paper and tape.
  4. See the new Star Wars.
  5. Drink beer for a solid week leading up to Christmas Day to acclimate your body to drink “insert dickhead uncle” under the table at the family gathering and make your parents proud. Don’t be afraid if you vomit, just keep sucking them back – it’s just your body getting used to becoming powerful…
  6. Help mum peal the prawns for Christmas lunch.
  7. Take those reindeer horns off your car. You look like an idiot.
  8. Your dog doesn’t give a shit about Santa! They don’t need to be dragged along to the shopping centre for a photo.
  9. Don’t buy undies and socks during the year! You are gonna get a heap off Nan.
  10. Watch the new Star Wars again.

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